One day I am fleeting;
Running away from fears of what isnʼt or has not been,
but could be if I let it.
How do I get by in this world wanting to be alive and awake.
Open to new possibilities.
Do I dare open the box? Pandoraʼs box? Who is she anyway?
Who am I to be scared for heavenʼs sake?
Time for me to become fierce.
Time to be the warrior that is raging underneath the pain,
Within the heart that Iʼve gained. It is so present.
A time of transformation is near.
Waiting, wanting and yearning for a release.
I wrote this poem in 2007 as I was working through feelings of inadequacy. I finally felt ready to step out and really share who I was at the time. I stepped out a little bit, but I clearly recall retreating whenever change entered my life. One major change was having children (I quickly ran back to my comforting home and stayed there, yes raising beautiful girls, yet also hiding talent). Another major change was my husband accepting a job that would have us traveling the world (really...I was so fearful of losing me and not being able to do the things that I loved that I stopped pressing forward with my writing...I stopped pressing forward with my singing). I got involved in fear, sadness, anger, blame, denial and rejection of what would prove to be so dear and helpful to me. I remembered all of this and my transformation poem as I watched Fabienne Fredrickson's "Clear the Gunk" video. I also recognize that the last line of my poem sums up quite a bit of what was happening for me and my life. I was holding my transformation back. It was so wanting a release. That day has come and come again. I am transformed and I am being transformed again as I write. I thank God for my transformation and for me being open and allowing a wide release.
So what I am doing that is so different this time?
1. I have accepted and enjoy my travels to different places
2. I have deeply accepted my talent as a writer and singer
3. I have published a book
4. I am currently writing the next book
5. I have engaged myself and talents in each of the different communities that we have been
6. I have found a way to be present for my daughters while continuing to be creative! Yay balance!
7. I am sharing all of my talents and thoughts with you